Give Me The Rights To Snail Mail Or Else

[silence]

Well, here we are. Two videos and all I've got is radio silence from the now-defunct Sandlot Games.

Daniel Bernstein, I think you should make very sure that this message is not lost on you.

If you do not give me the rights to Snail Mail, people will. get. hurt. I can't say how and I can't say who, but this is the last straw, Sandlot Games. I've tried and tried to get into contact with you, e-mailing whoever I could possibly find to give me the rights and nothing. seems. to work.

I suggest you just bite the bullet and give me Snail Mail before bad things start happening. I've written a nice little list of the potential weapons I could use and since this is already a really short video, let me pad it out a bit.

I'll use knives. Guns. Swords. Katanas, specifically. Explosives, like C4, dynamite, TNT, C5, AK-47s, kitchen knives, butter knives, butcher knives, Ashton Kutcher's knives, large blades without handles, small blades that are only handles.

High-velocity chewing gum. Balls of thumb-tacks. Balls of drawing pins. Balls of hedgehog needles. Balls of porcupine needles. Balls of forks you find, weevils. I'll attack you with wildlife. Squirrels. Chipmunks. Rats. Mice. Rice.

[start to fade out]

Sugar, spice and everything nice. Sawblades. Sore spades. More maids. Four plays. Drawer maize. A gun. I'll throw the clip at you. I'll throw the bullet at you. I'll throw the barrel, or travel to put a mullet on you.

I'll plant a tree in your name. I'll brand a bee with propane. I'll cover your face in glue.

Brace your Gru. Grace your you. Shoot your gig. Boot your pig. Loot your brig. Tend your house. End a mouse. Defend a mouse. Pretend to douse.

E-mail me, Daniel.